Do Women Hate Giving Blowjobs?

There seems to be a conventional idea out there that the average man loves getting blowjobs, and the average woman hates to deliver.  Is this true or not?  There’s certainly some kind of a basis for the idea in order for it to have become so pervasive.  Then again, in many ways the idea of the “average” man or woman is something society has constructed.  And society is anything but clear when it comes to the topic of sex—something which is ultimately highly individualized.  We’re guessing if you’ve found this article, it’s because the special lady in your life doesn’t want to give you head and you’re not sure what the hang up is all about, or if there’s anything you can do to change it.  Really, it all comes down to the specifics of her reasons.  Here are just a few reasons why some women don’t enjoy giving blow jobs.  Some of them have solutions, and some of them don’t.

woman hate blowjobs

  • Gag reflex.  This may be physical, psychological, or both.  And the larger you are (and the smaller her mouth and bone structure are), the more likely it is to be a problem.  Since the gag reflex thing is psychological with many women, it can sometimes be overcome with experimentation, time, patience, and interest.  If your partner is open to trying to work past it and you are too (note the patience requirement), you might give that a try, but reduce the pressure for her to perform as much as you can since that will only make things harder (and not in a good way).  One idea might be to try the blow job when you’re already pretty aroused, and not before you’ve gotten hard.  That way there’s less pressure, less performance anxiety, and fewer psychological blocks.
  • Other physical issues.  If your partner has problems with her neck or jaw, you can’t really expect her to be that thrilled about the idea of giving you a blowjob.  It could actually cause her pain and make her problems worse.  Neck and jaw problems are relatively common, even when they don’t appear that dramatic on the surface.  Whiplash, TMJ, and spinal misalignment can all cause a person to be less than enthusiastic about activities like blowjobs—sometimes without even realizing why.  Is there a way around this one?  Not really.  It’s best to just wait until she’s doing better physically.  Plus, she can always give you a handjob, and she still can use her tongue and her mouth, even if she’s not sucking you off.

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  • Lack of control.  Some women associate blowjobs with feeling as though they’re out of control.  While this may be a plus for some, it’s a negative for others.  There are a few ways you might be able to minimize or eliminate this problem.  You might try a blowjob while you’re lying down instead of asking your partner to go down on her knees.  You also could try not putting your hand on the back of her head, as this can cause some women to feel as though they are trapped and under pressure.  This issue with the hand on the head is a pet peeve for numerous ladies, so it’s often good to avoid doing it unless she indicates it’s okay.
  • Issues with cum.  When you cum, do you cum in her mouth?  This is something which again, can be an appeal or a turnoff, depending on who you’re with.  Try to gauge her feelings on this; instead of cumming in her mouth, try cumming somewhere else or finishing up by doing some other activity, and see if that increases her enthusiasm.
  • … Or maybe she just doesn’t like it.  This possibility exists as well.  There are women out there who genuinely just do not enjoy giving blowjobs.  Nobody is into everything, and for every sex act in existence, there are plenty of people who don’t enjoy it.  If she’s absolutely 100% opposed to giving blowjobs, there’s nothing in the world that’s likely to talk her into it.  If it’s a compatibility problem, you’ll have to figure out what your priorities are.

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As you should have noticed, there are solutions to some of the problems listed above.  And if nothing else, there are explanations why your partner may not like giving blowjobs—which should at least help you understand where she might be coming from.  One thing which always seems to fall by the wayside in our society is the idea of simply talking about sex.  For some reason our culture is so ashamed of sex while at the same time promoting the idea that everyone should enjoy and be good at certain things, that many partners never actually openly communicate about their sexual needs and preferences.

Consider taking the time to talk to your partner about why you enjoy blowjobs.  That includes the obvious physical reasons as well as any less obvious reasons you might have.  Ask her if she doesn’t enjoy giving blowjobs and why.  Sometimes you might find it’s something from the list above, and maybe you can remedy it.  Other times it could be something more specific to her—maybe she had a bad experience in the past which involved a blowjob.  Only by getting to the bottom of sexual issues can you start to do something about them.  That might mean working through the issue until you can both enjoy a blowjob, or it might mean setting aside that particular desire to be with your partner.  And in either case, it will almost certainly entail patience, an open mind, and mutual trust and respect.

So do women really hate giving blowjobs?  It’s not really a sensible question.  The question is whether your partner hates giving blowjobs.  Not everyone is the same, and there are numerous reasons you could be having problems in the bedroom.  Once you figure out what’s driving her hesitation, you may have a shot at working through it.

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