How to arouse a woman is a pretty general question—you didn’t really think there was a secret method or ingredient, did you? Every woman in the world is a unique individual, and individuality is expressed through sexuality, like it is through every other aspect of personality. So there is no one perfect technique or secret trick to turn on any woman in the universe—except perhaps the simplest thing: Get to know your partner.
The last thing that’s going to turn any woman on is being treated like she’s any woman. Your partner has distinctive sexual preferences and a body which is as unique as her mind. Something which turns on one woman may send another running for the hills and vice versa. Even if you’ve had great sex with dozens of women, meeting a new partner can pose entirely new sets of challenges. But that’s part of the fun and joy of having relationships. Really great sex is all about building intimacy and finding ways to connect physically and emotionally with your partner. It’s about trust and acceptance as well as physical pleasure.
Arousal happens in the mind as well as in the body. One of the best things you can do with any partner is show an interest and have an open mind. Maybe your partner is a woman who is turned on by the simplest, most straightforward things—kissing, embracing, caressing, some dirty talk or a romantic dinner. Or maybe she’s a kinky woman who would love to play a game of dress up or roleplay with you. Maybe she’d be turned on by watching an erotic film with you. Perhaps she’d be turned on if you engaged in foot play, gave her a massage, or took a bath with you. Maybe she’d like it if you tied her up, or let her give you a spanking.
Communication is Key
Some women are very forthcoming about their sexual preferences and desires. If your partner has already made it obvious what she likes, this should eliminate a lot of guesswork and make things easy for you. If you don’t know and she’s a shy woman, you have a few options. One is that you can just start experimenting and pay attention to her physical cues (and verbal cues when she gives them). Another is you can try to actually bring up the topic in conversation. There are a lot of social barriers surrounding sex, which can cause some people to feel self-conscious and ashamed when talking about it. Shame isn’t a healthy attitude toward sex, though, and overcoming that shame can be a step toward liberation and a more enjoyable sex life. Ironically, due in part to all the barriers surrounding sex, working through them with your partner can be a way to build intimacy and get to know each other better and establish greater trust. This is part of what makes sex rewarding, so try starting a conversation.
How do you talk about sex and what turns your partner on if she’s shy and doesn’t feel comfortable talking aloud about it? One very common tactic is simply to print out a list of sexual activities and assorted fetishes. Print out two copies. You can find these lists online; some of them are very broad (good starting point), while others are specific to certain paraphilias (i.e. if you discover your partner is into feet, you can print out a list pertaining specifically to foot play to discover what your partner is interested in doing). The lists have checkboxes. The idea is that both of you put checks next time items which turn you on or which you’d like to try, and x’s next to any items which represent hard limits to you (lines you absolutely will never cross).
Despite being a relatively simple and common method of exploring sexuality, lots of magazine articles urge guesswork instead of something like this. Guesswork more often leads to misunderstandings, feelings of sexual incompetence, and other problems. The great thing about the list is that it doesn’t require conversation, but it can initiate it. Maybe you’ll discover some of the activities which turn you on also turn on your partner—or that she’s not adverse to trying something you always wanted to do or vice versa. And since you’ll both know each others’ hard limits, conversations about sex will be a lot easier since you won’t be so worried about offending one another’s sensibilities.
Talking about sex with your partner does require a certain degree of emotional maturity, but this is something which is well worth the effort to develop. You may think at first that discussing sex openly is awkward, but it’s not like it’s any secret that you’re having it. Once you get over that grade school mentality which society ingrains, you can enjoy a more fulfilling sex life.
The Most General Things Make All The Difference
Almost regardless of who your partner is, there are a few things which almost always make all the difference in the world. The vast majority of people are attracted to certain qualities in others like confidence, hygiene and good grooming, and mutual interest. Show an interest in your partner’s sexuality and this in itself will probably arouse her. Be clean and presentable; this is a way of honoring yourself and her, which again shows your respect for her. Plus, the most sexually apt guy in the world will turn women away in droves if he can’t be clean and put at least the minimum work into his appearance.
Confidence will almost always score you points on attraction, and that holds true during foreplay and other sexual activities, too. This shouldn’t be confused with being pushy. One of the biggest mistakes people make when they look for tips for arousing women is thinking that women are going to be interested in men who can’t be themselves (this goes for you ladies as well). There’s nothing wrong with looking for ideas, but being confident about using your own is even better. The lady you hooked up with wants to be with you, after all. So be yourself; you’ll be surprised what a difference this can make.