For many women, fingering is actually one of the easiest ways to achieve an orgasm. While other sexual activities can be fun, women commonly complain that intercourse and oral sex both can be imprecise, which can make it more difficult (or impossible) to achieve an orgasm by those means. It’s also been shown through surveys that around three quarters of all women are unable to achieve an orgasm through vaginal stimulation alone, which is another reason that intercourse isn’t necessarily the most effective route toward an orgasm for a woman. If you’re new to fingering however, you may not be sure how to go about driving your partner to the heights of ecstasy. Here are our suggestions for how to give a finger orgasm.
Before You Get Started
Before you decide to finger your partner, make sure that your hands are suitably clean and also that your nails are well trimmed. If your nails aren’t adequately short, you can easily hurt your partner, especially if you penetrate her with your hand. You may also want to have some lubricant on hand, though it may not be needed.
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Another thing to consider is the setting and whether it’s conducive to arousal. For some couples, fingering counts as an element of foreplay with sexual intercourse being the main attraction, but other couples may view fingering as a form of sex all by itself, and may enjoy other activities as foreplay. You’ll have better results with fingering if you and your partner are both in the right frame of mind and have already developed some level of arousal. So consider doing other activities before you start fingering so that you can raise the pitch of the arousal first.
What’s the Best Way to Finger?
Online and in magazines you’ll find many hundreds of articles which try to teach you the “best” technique you can learn to finger your partner. Each of these techniques probably is the best technique for someone, but not for everyone. There is a reason there are so many different methods out there, and that’s that the anatomy of every woman is slightly different.
Since around three quarters of women don’t have orgasms as a direct result of stimulating the vagina alone, the main sexual structure which is important for most women to experience arousal and sensation is the clitoris. Note however that there are plenty of exceptions to that rule—indeed some women can only experience orgasms from vaginal stimulation and not from clitoral stimulation. So the clitoris is probably the best starting point if you don’t have any idea what you’re doing, but that doesn’t mean it should be the end point. Your partner may only get off from stimulation of the clitoris, or only stimulation of the vagina, or perhaps a combination of both. Your partner may or may not have an identifiable “G-Spot” or “deep spot” and may or may not be able to experience orgasms from stimulating those spots. Some women also experience great arousal if you stimulate the labia, inner thighs, or other parts of the body.
Along with the different areas you can concentrate on, you also should consider the different ways you can stimulate those areas. Different sensations can result depending on how hard you press, whether you rub vertically or laterally or in a circular fashion, and so on. This is yet another area where there is no single best way to do things—it all depends on your partner’s anatomy and preferences.
With so many differences, the only real way you can learn the best way to finger your partner is to try out different techniques and get feedback. This is true whether you’ve only ever had sex with your partner or you’ve had numerous partners throughout your life. Even if you’ve become an expert at fingering another partner in the past, with a brand new partner, you may not know where to begin since your new partner could be entirely different in terms of what arouses her and what gets her off.
Learning From Your Partner
For some reason a lot of people get very insecure about sex—and it’s probably because there are so many publications telling us that there’s a “right” way to go about things. So you start to feel like if you can’t figure out what that is on your own without talking to your partner about it, you must have some kind of sexual dysfunction. Nothing could be further from the truth. Talking to your partner about sex is one of the best ways you can learn what your partner enjoys. Your partner won’t think there’s anything wrong with your asking; on the contrary she’ll likely appreciate that you’re showing an interest and taking the effort to learn.
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You can ask your partner what she likes before you get started, and you can also ask for feedback while you’re fingering her. Listen to her suggestions if she asks you to do something specific while you’re doing it, and also pay attention to her indirect cues. Over time she won’t likely need to give you as many suggestions since you’ll start to develop an understanding of her body and an instinct for what to do. You can also ask your partner to masturbate while you’re present and you can watch what she does.
On a final note, keep in mind that the main point of fingering or any other sexual activity is to have fun and enjoy yourselves—and that if you turn it into a big thing which revolves around having an orgasm, you could build up a lot of pressure which could result in performance anxiety, which may be counterproductive and actually lessen arousal. As a man it’s also useful for you to realize that women’s menstrual cycles can cause them to perceive sensation and arousal very differently throughout the month, so sometimes it will be easy to five your partner an orgasm and other times it may be impossible, but it may not always come down to something you’re doing. So relax and enjoy yourselves and you’ll be likely to achieve the best results.