One question that plagues many men while they’re having sex with their partners is, “Why can’t I seem to give my partner an orgasm?” The reason however may surprise you: it usually has nothing to do with your technique and everything to do with anatomy. In many cases it won’t be possible for you to give your partner a vaginal orgasm, though in some cases it may be possible with the right techniques. Let’s talk about some common misconceptions about sex and the female body. There’s no reason to feel like you’re sexually dysfunctional when both you and your partner are perfectly normal. A lot of couples create drama around this issue without understanding that there’s nothing wrong with them if they can’t achieve a vaginal orgasm.
Most Women Can’t Have Vaginal Orgasms
First off, let’s consider the classifications of different “types” of orgasms. On the whole, an orgasm is an orgasm, no matter how it’s caused. The muscle contractions involved are the same. Orgasms may vary in sensation due to a number of factors. These might include anything from time of day or time of the month to type of stimulation used or area stimulated to mood and arousal. It’s not really that there are different “types” of orgasms—just many factors which can vary the experience.
While one of those factors is the area stimulated, surveys have shown that approximately three quarters of all women have to have clitoral stimulation in order to experience an orgasm. That means that the vast majority of women don’t experience “vaginal orgasms” at all, if we’re defining a vaginal orgasm as an orgasm resulting from vaginal stimulation alone. The converse is also true for a minority of women, who can’t experience “clitoral orgasms” from direct stimulation of the clitoris alone. These women may only be able to experience vaginal orgasms.
There are also women who can have vaginal orgasms but don’t know it yet. Sometimes this is because the only way to get the right type of arousal is by stimulating a very specific spot in the vagina in a very specific way. So it might help to hunt for the G-Spot or deep spot, which can be located in different places in the vagina for different women. Not all women have G-Spots or deep spots, though. So can you see why this is such a complicated question? You may or may not be able to give your partner a vaginal orgasm depending on her anatomy. Ultimately what you should take away from this is the understanding that you are both okay just the way you are. By experimenting, you might be able to give your partner a vaginal orgasm, but if you don’t succeed, it doesn’t mean either of you are defective—just that your partner can’t have vaginal orgasms, and in that sense is no different from the majority of other women.
Technique for Vaginal Orgasms
You can also look for the “deep spot,” which is described as being either in front of or behind the cervix (there seems to be some confusion here). Note that direct contact with the cervix itself may be painful, so be careful when trying to find the deep spot. Once again, your fingers may be more precise, though you may have an easier time reaching through intercourse. Deep penetration positions are best for this purpose.
Finally, there are sex toys which are designed to try and target the G-Spot. These may also help you to locate it. How deep you need to insert the toy will depend on the specific location of the G-Spot in your partner, so this is something you’ll need to experiment with.
The majority of women won’t achieve an orgasm from vaginal stimulation alone, but many women can experience more intense orgasms or different sensations if you stimulate the vagina at the same time as the clitoris. So even if your partner can’t experience vaginal orgasms, you can try stimulating the clitoris at the same time as the vagina—for example by fingering your partner while you’re having intercourse. This will make it easier for her to have an orgasm while you’re penetrating her, and the penetration may contribute to the experience.
What’s most important is that you don’t construct a lot of drama or anxiety around vaginal orgasms. It’s a very typical situation for couples to build a lot of problems up around issues like this in their sex lives, not realizing that all that anxiety is pointless and off base. If your partner can’t have a vaginal orgasm, that’s not the end of the world; it doesn’t reflect poorly on you or her or on your relationship. Find ways to pleasure your partner that you both can enjoy.
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