One of the most common and frustrating complaints that many couples have is that of timing. Generally speaking, most men have orgasms more quickly than their female partners, who take longer to reach the same level of stimulation. This can lead to discord and deepening relationship problems, and can reflect poorly on a man’s self-confidence. Many men resort to desperate measures like taking pills for premature ejaculation, and overlook the fact that they probably don’t have a physiological problem. There are natural ways to last longer in bed, but before considering them, it’s important to take a closer look at what causes premature ejaculation.
Understanding Premature Ejaculation
The number one cause of premature ejaculation is, well, being male. That answer may not seem satisfying on the surface, but if you think you’re the only guy on the planet who has this issue, you couldn’t be further off the point. Research studies indicate that around three quarters of all men come within just two minutes of penetration during sex more than half of the time. So if you’re prematurely ejaculating, you’re just being a guy. The great news is, that means there’s probably nothing wrong with you, and no reason to get down on yourself.
If your partner is upset with you, it’s important for her to understand that men are hardwired to reach orgasm quickly. It’s biological, and the theory is that it’s rooted in evolution. In species with dominant males where mating is usually reserved for alpha males (like apes—our ancestors), the only non-alpha males to pass on their genetics were usually the ones who were able to ejaculate quickly when a rare sexual opportunity would come around. Since you’re descended from a line like that, you have the same thing written into your genetic code.
Step #1: Change Your Attitude About Sex
There are multiple ways to define sex. Defining sex purely as sexual intercourse between a man and a woman is pretty old-fashioned. These days people are a bit more open about sexuality than in the past. Sex is no longer done purely for the perfunctory reason of passing on genes; it’s also done for pleasure and mutual satisfaction. That’s why sex can more broadly be defined as all activities and feelings related to sexual arousal and stimulation.
Ask yourself how you define sex, and how you define your sexual goals. What are you looking to get out of sex? While it’s true that for some men, intercourse and the resulting orgasm are the end-all-be-all of the sexual experience, many men also enjoy other elements of the sexual experience. After all, we all enjoy attraction—which comes long before intercourse in many cases. While your genetic code may urge you to hurry, there’s really no rush—there is plenty of time to really immerse yourself in your physicality. It’s hardly like getting head or mutual masturbation or other forms of foreplay are unpleasant, after all.
Step #2: Put Theory Into Practice
You can put those changes into perspective into practice in a variety of ways. One way is to actually change up what you’re doing when you have sex. Instead of heading into your next sexual encounter with the goal of having an orgasm, go into the experience with the goal of enjoying how it unfolds. Instead of doing predictable things and using the same positions you always do, try new positions and techniques. Get to know yourself and your partner sexually. Many people have distinct sexual personalities which never come to surface in their day-to-day life, but still permeate their beings. You can actually get to know your partner better and strengthen your entire relationship by exploring sex together in new ways. Different positions can also help you find techniques which take some of the pressure off of the head of your penis during sex, which in turn can help you last longer.
If you feel a lot of psychological pressure surrounding this issue, you might try practicing on your own instead of with a partner at first. While masturbating you can shift what you think about away from having an orgasm, and instead of coming as quickly as you can, you can instead try to draw out the experience and last longer. Short breaks from direct stimulation are often helpful, whether you’re masturbating or you’re having sex. During those breaks you can work on maintaining arousal and not losing the mood. Gradually you’ll get better and better at this and build up confidence. That growth of confidence alone can make all the difference in the world since premature ejaculation is almost always a psychological issue and not a physiological concern.
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